I spent most of my life dealing with a bullying relationship. The bully was arrogant, loud, over bearing and negative. I kept the bullying relationship a secret. I was afraid of what people would think of me because I gave an outward appearance of confidence and strength. Unfortunately, the bullying relationship was ruling my life and I was unconsciously aware that it was creating a life I did not enjoy.
The bully would wake me up in the middle of the night telling me to be afraid and remind me I was not going to be good enough to reach my goals. Sometimes the bully would show up when I was having fun as a reminder that I was not worthy to have such happiness in my life.
The bully usually showed up when I was fearful that I could not live up to someone’s expectation. I would worry about disappointing and worried if I didn’t do what they wanted they would not to like me. Sometimes the bully showed up when I was feeling insecure and anxious. The bully was so annoying that I began to question whether I was good enough as a person to deserve a great job, promotion, love, friendships, success and even nice material things.
One day I became consciously aware of how my thoughts were affecting my life. “Oh, damn” I thought, “My ego is my inner bully and this bullying relationship is ruining my spirit, joy, success, love of self and others.” I wanted to let my spirit feel free instead of feeling like a hostage in my mind.
Signs of a Bullying Relationship
A bullying relationship occurs when you are constantly exposed to negative actions or words, derogatory comments or name-calling. For example, my inner bully was constantly sending thought messages such as:
- You are fat, old, dumb, lazy, ugly, fake, or weird.
- You will never amount to much.
- You do not deserve good, riches, love, success or dignity.
- You are stupid, poor, uneducated, sinful, or unworthy.
- You will never amount to anything.
- Be afraid because you will never have enough money.
- No one will ever love you.
- You can’t do anything right.
- You are never going to succeed.
- You are a disappointment.
- You are a fool and people laugh at you.
- Nobody will want you.
- Nobody will want you.
The relationship with my inner bully needed to stop because my bullying thoughts were creating a life I did not want, and I was tired of giving my power away to fear and criticism. I was tired of trying to meet expectations that I thought would make me good enough and worthy to have love. I was tired, because I could not even love myself.
Mahatma Gandhi once said,
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny”.
Today I say, “Your Personal Power Determines Your Destiny!” I made a firm decision to stop giving my power away to my beliefs and bullying thoughts. I recognized 99.9% of my beliefs and thoughts were programmed by society, the media, and people with good and maybe not so good intentions, religion, school, and perceptions of my life experiences base on my unconscious filters.
9 Steps I Used to Consciously Breakup with My Inner Bully:
- Make a list of the bullying messages repeating in your thoughts.
- Replace those messages with positive thoughts.
- Stop judging yourself and others.
- Let people go that bring you down and hold you back.
- Let go of giving your attention to fear messages delivered via news, social media or people.
- Let go of focusing on “should, “have” to and “must” expectations.
- Spend time alone in nature.
- Replace bully messages with an easy jingle that distracts you from the inner bully.
- Accept praise and credit when it is given to you, even if all you do is say thank you and smile.
I often use the jingle “this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine” from the song, “This Little Light of Mine” by Ray Charles. This line reminds me that I just want to be me and let my light shine instead of dimming it to please others.
After I figured out how to let my light shine, I was inspired to create the Personal Empowerment Workshop to help people break-up with their inner bully so they can enjoy love, riches, and success. During these workshops, I found we all have an inner bully that makes us feel “not enough”. The truth is “I never thought I was a bully until I heard how I speak to myself. I think I owe myself an apology.” (Notsalmon.com)
Decide today to break-up with your inner bully and live the life you desire.
Let your light shine,
Wendy
